Meditation Wednesday night was incredible… peace, quiet and a horrible ringing in my ears… I sat in 20 minute stints.. then did walking meditation.. following the nice lady that sat beside me. (she had a real familiar look) We went thru this for almost 2 hours.. alternating sitting and walking. at the end we all chanted the Verse of Atonement in Japanese and English… and fell back to meditation … as I was counting my breaths the bell started ringing.. it’s resonance vibrated thru my body… it was the most incredible thing I have ever felt..
When it ended.. 108 chimes later… Roshi spoke..
we all filed out of the zendo… pausing to wish Roshi Joan a HNY… then we went to River house. circled around the table and said a little blessing for our meal.. then we each in turn stated our name.. and our affirmation for the year.. it was then that I learned who I had sat next to for 2 hours.. it was Jane….. Henry Fonda’s daughter 
As I move through this learning process toward Jukai, I will expand on this post….
Do not kill (recognizing that I am not separate from all that is)
How can I as a thinking and caring sentient being do anything that will cause harm to another being. I dont like to think of this as just the taking of a life, but also as doing anything that can affect the life of another. by this I have to include drugs, drink, language that can in any way cause harm to come to another. I suppose that a good example of this is the parent that yells and screams at the child.. this kills spirit, and can cause the person on the receiving end of this to feel less than alive.
Providing a path that causes harm is also spirit killing. I will not be a party to enabling anyone to be the path to killing of life or spirit. I will take ever step I can to prevent this type of harm from befalling anyone.
Do not steal (being satisfied with what I have)
I do not need to have “things” that do not belong to me, or are unnecessary to my wellbeing. I do not need to envy my neighbors for what they have. I should not take what is not freely given to me but should accept what is given to me freely with thanks.
Do not be greedy (encountering all creations with respect and dignity)
“Honor the body—do not misuse sexuality.” Honor the body of Nature. When we begin to interfere with the natural order of things, when we begin to engineer the genetics of viruses and bacteria, plants and animals, we throw the whole ecological balance off. Our technological meddling affects the totality of the universe and there are karmic consequences to that. The three wheels: body, mind, and mouth; greed, anger, and ignorance are pure and clean. Nothing is desired. Go the same way as the Buddha, do not misuse sexuality.
Do not tell a lie (listening and speaking from the heart)
I have found myself turning this precept over and over in my mind as it has a number of things within it that affect day to day living.
There is the lie, for the sake of protecting someone from a truth that isn’t so nice, the lie that elevates oneself in the eyes of others… the lie that life isn’t as bad (or good or mediocre) as we perceive it to be. I learned them all at a very tender age and learned to be very good at them. The only thing I got from it was a life of heartache and wondering why everything was a struggle. Then I learned that no matter what I say, things aren’t going to change, I was only fooling myself.
I find it very difficult to even do the little protective white lie now because its still not quite the truth. When I sit, it is with this in mind. no matter what someone projects about “self” it is delusion. I also struggle with the “good lie”. There was a time that I would want to sugar coat a bitter pill that might be upsetting to someone, but when I am the one that is getting handed the lie, I would rather know the whole truth and have it be my decision on how to deal with it.
In my community we are dealing with the other aspects brought forth here:, the slander, idle gossip and harsh speech. My initial reaction is to hide in my apartment and not face anyone that does these things (Imagine a building of 55 + people with nothing better to do than talk trash about others). I am finding however that I am gently to the others and being completely honest in my dealings with them. Strangely some are starting to do the same. The others have been asked to move out.
Do not be ignorant (cultivating a mind that sees clearly)
Do not talk about others’ faults and errors (unconditionally accepting what each moment has to offer)
Do not elevate yourself and put down others (speaking what is perceived to be the truth without guilt or blame)
Do not be stingy (using all of the ingredients of my life)
Do not be angry (transforming suffering into wisdom)
Do not speak ill of the Three Treasures (honoring my life as an instrument of peacemaking
Today is day one of my quest for “enlightment”.
I start my precept classes at Upaya at 3 pm today. I am nervous about it. I can only liken it to fear of the unknown or rejection. While I know this is a compleley irrational thought.. it is still present in my mind.
The classes last 5 months. The end is eather visited with Jukai, or actually becoming buddhist or more studies, more learning.. etc.
To be able to Jukai one needs to be accepted by the Abbot of the temple, as you become a part of their lineage. As I have not met with Joan Halifax Roshi yet, I do not know if Jukai is possible for me at this time. I have lived my whole live without… a bit longer will not kill me.
I’m taking my camera so that I can shoot my way to Upaya and back. Perhaps images will make there way onto this blog.