I am trying to determine when I got so caught up in the progress machine that I forgot about the things that really matter in this life.
in pali.. the word is dukkah… bad karma…

I have lied, stolen, sullied my mind with intoxicants, misused sex to my own means.. I have taken the life of my own unborn child over my own…

where is atonement for this?

Is this enlightenment.. the realization that yes, I, and that poor child that wanted to be are one?

My own family questioned why.. when I became pregnant with my youngest child. that I did not choose to abort this life.

How can one faced with choices like this take the right path? Even as circumstance tells any sentient being that live is precious… it is not our to waste.

After past mistakes I chose that little life over all the complaints that I was only having this child to get more money from the welfare system. This was a human being living inside me.. it was dependent on my or it existence where no other wanted it to breathe. I do not regret this.

WE ARE NOT DISPOSABLE!